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Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.”

The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”

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The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.

Ali: I’m getting operated on tomorrow.

David: Oh? What are they going to do?

Ali: Circumcise me!

David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.

Ali: Did it hurt?

David: I couldn’t walk for a year!

Top 10 Reasons Ear Plugs A Must At Church

The time has come for churches to consider supplying disposable ear plugs at the door for members and guests. There are several reasons for this that rate from health issues to mental health issues. As a service to this blog community I am listing a few good reasons below:

10.Ear plugs keep the volume down as not to hurt your ears during Worship (wimps)

9.  Ear plugs keep you from hearing that “can’t carry a tune in a bucket” singer sitting next to you

8.  Ear plugs can be used in the event your spouse talks too much.(take home pack)

7.  Ear plugs protect your ears from the Pastor screaming “WAKE UP”

6.  Ear plugs keep you from waking up when the Pastor screams “WAKE UP”

5.  Ear plugs come in handy when you are looking for something to throw at the person sitting in front of you talking during church service.

4.  Ear plugs serve as dipsticks to check the level of ear wax build up in your ears

3.  Ear plugs make good substitutes for chewing gum if the Pastor speaks too long

2.  Handing out ear plugs says to the congregation “The volume is as low as it’s gonna go”

1.  Ear plugs give you a solid excuse when someone is complaining to say, “what?what?”

Pass this on to someone you love……and someone not so much!

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